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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Nothing makes you feel as junior-high-jealous as when another woman has your man, even a man who totally didn’t know that he was yours to begin with.

Let’s be upfront here: Tom Hiddleston and I were never exclusive. I was always going to see other actors; he had his harem of female Twitter fans. We were true to each other in a communal, non-binding sort of way.

Then Tom had the nerve to fall for an actual available female just because she was bright, gifted, beautiful, and funny. Tom, you fool, how could you jeopardize all we had that way?

Now TayTay and I had a deal: she was welcome to date all the other singers and actors that I didn’t know and didn’t care about. All I asked was that she leave a few–ideally the British ones–for the rest of us. I can’t fault Taylor for crushing on Tom. I mean, the guy is tall, handsome, talented, and has a great sense of humor. Together Tom and Taylor could have produced a bevy of genetically perfect children, proving that America and Britain really do have a Special Relationship.

Still, even as I fantasized about pulling Taylor’s cute blond braids, I knew in my heart their love couldn’t last. Hint: any time the press comes up with a cutesy nickname for the couple *coughHiddleswiftcough* you know that the Relationship Apocalypse is nigh. And, sure enough, today the Internet and I received word that the duo is quits.

Welcome back to our virtual arms, Tom! And farewell, Taylor–player’s got to play, play, play. And we and the Internet are just going to shake it off, shake it off.

 

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Inkubus

Every library has at least one demonically-possessed copy machine …..

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The wall clocks on campus are supposed to be synced together. At least, that’s what the University of Arnor tells us. Several weeks ago, I noticed that the clock in the computer lab was running slow. Now the hands of the clock have become completely dislodged and are currently residing at the bottom of the plastic face plate.  Apparently, time no longer exists for the habitues of the computer lab ….

(Update: As of 3/23/16, the hands of time have been restored and time now moves on normally in the computer lab).

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I cracked a bicuspid a couple of weeks ago and the dentist put on a temporary crown, warning me to avoid eating any hard or sticky things for a while. Did not realize until now how much of my diet was composed of hard and sticky things. *Sigh*

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As I was driving in to work yesterday, I passed a grey Jeep that had the upper half of a zombie attached to its front bumper. Best. Halloween. Decoration. Ever.

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The University of Arnor library has a vault space problem in that we are running out of room for our archival collections in our climate-controlled vault. This is a problem that only money will solve and that’s a tough sell during these tight budgetary times. So while my boss, Leslie, is hammering out the official report to the Provost, I sat down and hammered out the following lines to the tune of Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”. Check out these sick beats, yo!

Yes, we’re running out of space, space, space
Our stuff needs a climate-controlled place, place, place
Preservation is a race, race, race

Against time.

 

Need some cash, need some money
Cough up them greenbacks, honey

A fat bankroll.

 

Politicians gonna legislate, late, late
What we gotta do to rate, rate, rate
A seat at the table and a plate, plate, plate?
Let’s sit down.
 

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George Martin Gif 1

George Martin Gif 2

George R.R. Martin reveals his true agenda …..:-)

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